IDK, Watino. What I hear is a lot of transference and a belief in entitlement/need to control others in order to get what you want/need. You've written of a few protracted conflicts on this thread in which you demanded information, believed it was being withheld from you, and saw yourself as bullied and, at least once, with no choice but to resort to physical intimidation.

The consistent thread I see is a belief that there is something you deserve, that others punitively withhold from you, and then you use that as a rationale for behavior that is unacceptable. I just don't hear much difference between this and the many accounts I've heard from men in domestic violence situations: "I didn't really act violently, it was only a lamp that I threw and it didn't even hit her, and I only did it because she wouldn't listen to me, as I've told her a million times that I don't like X. She didn't leave me any choice; she just keeps pressing until I can't take it anymore, etc." One part of them may sincerely feel a fear that to not change the power balance at the moment by any means necessary would destroy them. But to sustain that belief, there also has to be denial and minimizing of the actions taken. The fundamental problem is the belief system and the actions are the consequence. Only you can know if you're willing to risk looking at your beliefs because focusing on the other's faults just sustains the beliefs and focusing on controlling the actions doesn't generally work long-term.

It frankly gives me pause to hear that you're in med school. How will you respond when a patient doesn't want to follow your advice, is non-compliant with meds, or asks a million understandably annoying questions? When a patient questions your competence, or files a complaint?