Hi, Hazel
Rant on! The longer, the better. And I hope that you will feel a little better afterward.

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about wanting to contact your T when you are anxious. I'm also unable to resist contacting my T at those times even though I know I will regret it later. And I also worry that I'm a big pain and, even though T has not given any reason for me to believe this, I might show up to my next appt to find he's going to bail on me.

I'm not sure what style of therapy your T practices or how much of this you have talked about with her. Maybe she can help you figure out why you're sure she'll give up. Or, maybe she can suggest alternate ways of handling those moments when you feel compelled to text her. Or, maybe she can reassure you that she really does want to hear it all. Whatever you need. It's all good.

Being needy is hard. Letting yourself need someone is terrifying, but I hear it's how this therapy stuff works.

Good luck to you.