Thoughts going...one of them is now about that god have given me chances in life and I ruined them all. I feel really bad about situations that could of lead me to learn something new for a job and maybe made connections with people who could of helped me out in the field I was trying to get back into. I feel I blew all my chances and it's replaying in my head and new one is added for extra guilt. If I would of thought of taking those chances at the time, I would have (maybe) and I wouldn't be poor and without my own place.