I written some in introduction and another thread but I haven't told full story as that would be long. I've had depression most of my life. I thought I kicked it completely in my mid 20s, but it came back 8 years ago. There were physical abuse when I was young so I dealt with that when I was younger. But as an adult... It started slowly with losing my interest in the creative field I was in. I spent those times trying to get it back and learning about burn out. So I was out of work and trying to get it back. But during the process, my mom died, then less than a year, my ex-husband wanted out of marriage leading towards divorce, then when I moved in with siblings which we moved to a different state. During the process our beloved pet died. In the new state, the siblings started to hate me more. No matter what I tried, they hated me. My best friend died suddenly. So I tried to look at spirituality. I didn't work for many years. I tried to make the effort to do something in a new career like taking lesson, but that didn't work out. I found a place that I can have therapy for small fee. In that time siblings ended up hitting me and then throwing my things, me and my dog on the street. I was on a phone with my friend before one of them broke it. She called the cops all the way from different state. But before that she told me to get back in the house. After cops left, they told me I had 30 days to move out. I went back to the state I was in without my dog who was like my daughter and who comforted me. They are taking care of her. This part is the saddest to me because I couldn't take care and provide for her. I moved to back to the state I was from. I couldn't find a job. Found a part time job. It was the only one I could get. They gave me like 8 hours a week. Got myself Medicaid and benefits. I was seeing doctor and therapist. They helped me not to cry. I was crying every day. Everything would make me cry. I would be crying at places I shouldn't. The medication helped me not from crying. I had a part time job and ex gave me some money. Then he decided to stop giving me money. So I had to change my living situation as I couldn't pay rent money to my friend. Part time job wasn't enough hours worked so the Government sent to to "back to work" program from getting benefits. It was hard looking for a job in my field while going to that program because you have to be there and the computer time is limited for I think 30 minutes. They had other programs, but that look away a good daytime hours to look for a job which is ironic. But they did find me a job. But wasn't much money to live off off but enough that government took away my benefits. The job didn't end up working as they weren't doing well. They cut my hours and then there would be times the check would bounce. Owner was a good man. I gave up my part time job as my housing situation changed and I couldn't keep that job and work full time because of housing situation. Another Friend took me in but living situation there was difficult as she had her own problems and was causing my nerves to be worse. I did give some rent money as i was working. Government took away my benefits about this time. I found out as I was trying to get my medication. I had to go cold turkey right away. I had no option. I started to smoke a lot to offset the withdrawal that I had to go through. I found a new job that was closer as the other job was 2 hours to get to a low paying job. This winter was tough as I waited out in the cold. I didn't have enough layers and it took a toll on my body. So I decided a low paying job across the street would be the best. They ended up firing me but saying they didn't fire me. So I had no job. I started to look for another job doing the same thing over. I broke down and was crying then my friend called me from another state. We talked about me moving there before as I was having a hard time. I didn't because there would be no way for me to move around freely and the State I was living in had more job opportunities. But moving in with someone who truly love you and was my friend and really wanted me to come and I can work in the creative field and get my career jump started was what I needed...but now I haven't been doing good work and my depression gets to me and the thought of being kicked out again makes me so scared of being homeless.

I missed out on other factors. I feel strange writing all this as I feel someone might find out, but I keep writing this hoping that all this would help me out. I know I had a lot of trauma from deaths, family kicking me out of their lives, jobs not working out, no money, moving around, unstable and divorce. I know they are all life crisis and they all help cause my depression as they happened one after another without a breather. And I now realize that I had pms which makes it worse. I should be able to handle all these better. Every single one of these I could of handled better.