I understand where you're coming from, and about how it can take control of you. But no matter what, it's still YOUR body. Everything happens in a series of small steps. The things that cause you too feel this way...and the things you can do to help yourself out. I know it's hard, but you can do it =]

and about the "negativity", sometimes we learn the most about ourselves through our actions during the roughest of times.
chin up, you'll get through this as in all other things.