my hurt is the result of my thoughts & what i perceive to be reality.

i try to be a nice, sympathetic person, i really, really do. but when i feel as if my gestures are slammed and/or invalidated by someone 9espec when i go out of my way to try to help --- totally getting stabbed in the back -- all the past horrible experiences, name-calling, degradation, abuse, etc. re-enter my mind. i cannot shut this off, no matter how hard i try, using different techniques. i feel like the worst person on the planet.....so hated, so alone, so rejected, so useless, so insignificant.

i realize not everyone will like me of course, but it brings this overwhelming pain to me.

that's why i'm hurting.

makes me want to off myself.

thx for listening, psyclox.

and love you, Tal.

((((Soid))))) no i cannot see my pdoc till april 16 unfort.