((vancover))),

I am so sorry that you have found yourself so challenged like this. Welcome to PC, I hope you are finding it supportive and you are beginning to realize you are truly not alone with your challenges.

I am very sorry that your neighbors have been so rude to you too. Unfortunately, people like that just don't realize the "true" challenge of what it means to struggle with MI. However, there "are" people who actually "do" understand it and can be very supportive to where you don't feel so alone with it as you do now.

While it was courageous of you to at least "try" to go to a church twice, unfortunately just being "around" people is not always "enough", because what you need more is to be around "supportive" people to where you get "rewarded" for when you make that effort to engage and go out.

Unfortunately, the average person often just doesn't understand MI as I mentioned and they can be cruel and unsupportive, but you need to understand that it doesn't mean you deserve to continue to hide out like you have and feel like the world is just going to be too unfriendly towards you. That is not the truth, while there are people like that, there is actually MANY people who struggle like you do that actually are much more understanding and supportive.

I am sorry, because I actually do know what it is like to experience rude and unsupportive people. I have just made up my mind (and it took me a while to do so) that I am not going to run and hide, but instead keep trying and finding my way through it. YES, I run into challenges, but I know I am not alone with that, so I keep trying. Most people out in that world are to busy in their own minds with their own challenges, they are not really looking at and judging you like you feel they are. Yes, you have some crappy neighbors, well, let me tell you I have horrible neighbors myself, and they really messed my life up big time. However, I am fighting back and I keep trying "in spite of that" and I do have some challenging days.

You need to start with yourself "first" though, you need to get in that shower and begin a self care program. The answer to "why bother" is that "yes you need to bother and take on the challenge of taking care of yourself", as you do that you will feel better about yourself and that is moving forward. I know all about that "why bother" and I admit I still struggle with that from time to time myself, but I still keep trying and I know that when I do that, "I am moving forward" and it really doesn't matter what other people think because they just don't know anyway, most people are too in their own heads anyway.

Have you tried to find a therapist to work with you? Even just venturing out to get therapy is very helpful too. Have you looked to see if there are any Bipolar support groups near you? Sometimes there are, you just need to be patient and keep looking. Finding this site is a start, I am glad you found it so you have a way to connect to others that struggle with bipolar too. There actually are people who struggle but have found ways to engage life around their challenge.

(((Caring Supportive Hugs))))
OE