Newtus, I don't post on here often, but I would encourage you to consider voluntarily going to the hospital you prefer in the area so that you can be somewhere safe. You mentioned that earlier. I know going into the hospital isn't what you want to do, but if you need a way to be somewhere safe from anything that might cause you to hurt yourself, perhaps it is time to think about it. Your thinking is worrisome right now. Just hope you can stay safe.