Lol who would of thought a starting dose of Paxil makes a big difference for my depression. Otherwise I'm crying like a big ol' baby all the time. I thought the zyprexa helped with the depression as well but since I ran out of the Paxil I started crying and stuff again. No worries I have my medication at the pharmacy at the moment. It's a wonder they work at all with all this inconsistency of taking medication.

One night I thought no one was home. I started to let out an ugly loud cry. Then my stepdad ended up coming to my bedroom and gave me a hug. It was embarrassing but the hug felt good.

i just feel like curling up in a ball. i feel physically weak.

idk how im gonna make it thru today without selfharmin

i cried in front of T today. he said i seem to be feeling fragile. i feel sad. i keep having intrusive memories of former T. idk why im thinking about him. it feels like it happened to a different person. not to me.

but i felt special cuz T called out of work today but still wanted to see me so he came in just to see me. im glad he likes to meet with me and im not just a job to him. i told him how much i appreciate his help and that it means a lot to me.

i have no energy and need a distrction. so i guess im gonna watch something