So you have a goal, a deadline and it makes things more foucused it seems.

I'm wondering about your working into the decision to divorce an positive for your daughter. I completely understand your wanting the best educational and financial opportunities for her! You are a strong and good Mom Sunrise.

At the same time it seems to add a dimension to the divorce preparations and timeline that includes added stress, maybe some distraction for you and for her too? Have you added a positive for her because of concern for how this will affect her (as well as the very concrete financial benefits).

Have you explored the what-if's? If you don't, for whatever reason, divorce by year's end could you take out a loan to help her get into a 4 year school? Would your husband contribute to her education even if you are not married? Could she attend one school for her first year then change for her second year? etc.

I have posted about my liking to read Pema Chodron, an American woman who became Buddhist nun after her divorce. Her books are very uncomplicated and peaceful and interesting. Here's something she said about fear in the book "When Things Fall Apart; Heart Advice for Difficult Times": The first chapter of the book is 'Intimacy With Fear'. At end of the chapter she writes: "The trick is to keep exploring and not bail out, even when we find out that something is not what we thought. That's what we're going to discover again and again and again. Nothing is what we thought. I can say that with great confidence. Emptiness is not what we thought. Neither is mindfulness or fear. Compassion--not what we thought. Love. Courage. These are code words for things we don't know in our minds, but any of us could experience them. These are words that point to what life really is when we let things fall apart and let ourselves be nailed to the present moment." I don't know if that is interesting to you or not but I hope it is. Maybe the rest of the chapter is needed, I don't know.

I don't know that we can conquer fear. We can name it and be aware of it and do what we want to do and need to do anyway, even while feeling it. We do that all the time with fear and other emotions.

I hope you can get a lot of the nuts and bolts stuff done and out of the way soon so you can have accomplishments to feel proud of and so your courage grows! I think it is very very brave and awesome what you are doing and I'm so glad you have help with it!

What is it that terrifies you, Sunrise?