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Originally Posted by Lillybird90
When I would cry my father would get very agitated and make me feel worse once he even pulled up a chair and sat down and insisted that I was faking and I was fake crying and told me he was going to sit there the whole time and watch me cry to see how long I could fake it for.he had been drinking beforehand too.I ended up running out of the house and trying to run away but was caught and forced to go back home.I learned from a young age to bottle up my feelings which was never a good idea.its given me trouble in expressing my emotions because of the fear and paranoia that was instilled in me from childhood.
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When my beloved Nan died, I never saw my parents cry. I was 8, so I thought that only babies cried and that grown ups didn't cry even when they felt really, really sad. I never doubted that my parents weren't sad, I just thought that I had to learn to suppress my emotions. I stopped crying, but tried to hurt myself in secret, and when I didn't succeed, I started to starve myself, so that was my pain struggling out I guess. I even saw a clinical psychologist once for not eating, but I somehow knew not to tell them that I tried to strangle myself or that I was not eating so I'd die as punishment for being out with friends when my Nan died. It's amazing when you think about how kids learn things.
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Originally Posted by Erti
Even when they say "I'll give you something to cry about" I could never stop. I can never stop. When they "give you something to cry about" it just made me cry harder.
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Originally Posted by Lillybird90
I still cry too but I would run away and cry in secret....I usually hide and stay to myself when I am in a crying mood.
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Originally Posted by junkDNA
my dad alwys said that
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Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead
When I cried my dad would say it was fake saying was just trying to get sympathy. Crocodile tears he'd say and start shouting worse at me saying I was weak. Now I feel ashamed and embarrassed when I cry. I hate crying it makes me feel weak.
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Originally Posted by Erti
I tried that too when I was living with my dad. I failed. My younger sister saw me cry she ask me what was wrong and I would say I miss my mom. Then she tell my dad and step mom and it for some reason I'd get spank. I was never really alone at my dads. My sister and brothers and I would be locked in a bedroom all day and sometimes without food.
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Originally Posted by Cracking Slowly
When I was younger I would get beatings. It would get worse if I cried. And I would also concentrate really hard not to cry when my mother did it to me. I wanted her to think that no matter how hard she hit me she could not hurt me. That's a sick way of thinking for a small child. But when my step dad did it he hit much harder than she did so I'd always end up a sobbing mess.
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Yeah I thought that (bit in bold) too, so I would never cry in front of the bullies at school, or my family during my teens when my brother was physically abusive and I was alienated from my family (my Mum never hit me, well once, but was sometimes really mean, but then I was mean to her too).
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Originally Posted by Erti
Yeah. I remember playing with one of my sisters play phone and I would try to call my grandmother on it in hopes that it would call but never did. It hurt a lot.
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During my teens when I was miserable both at school and home, I retreated to my bedroom and entered this fantasy land based on a TV programme I watched. They were my only friends, and I would be so happy living there. Pretending all of that was the only thing that kept me going through those difficult years. It was my respite.
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Originally Posted by justmeandmyhead
Bless you cracking I can relate my dad game us beatings and would get even angrier if we cried.
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*Willow*