mouse - You are so contemplative. I love that.

I worry about rejection too. It is my biggest fear and to avoid it I either reject others first or avoid ever connecting alternating with occasional clinging. Quite a see-saw since I so need relationships and I'm so scared of them.

Recently I felt like my pdoc rejected me. (I'm still unsure about it.) It was like being pushed away and having trust broken. It was like questioning what things were really true - which of my thoughts and beliefs about the relationship. I felt suddenly unbalanced - the world tipped. I was let down and felt like I had failed or done something wrong. It felt like I had been lied to and mislead. It felt like I had been devalued and left behind. That's what rejection is to me - a withdrawal of regard or love that once seemed to be there or maybe that I just wanted to be there. It makes you feel like you're not worth being loved. *sigh*

I also fear that I couldn't hold up my end of a relationship which seems to be substantiated by everyone else leaving me in one way or another. Logically of course that isn't reasonable, but this is emotion speaking. How do you get the two - mind and heart - in harmony?