Hello! Binge eating is really difficult and you are not alone.
I've been binge eating for years and am only just now starting to get it under control. I remember at my worst, with an impossibly sized meal (or three!) sitting before me I'd just imagine myself going into some kind of diabetic coma and would actually smile about it. Because at least I'd be free from binging hell. But I'm doing better now.
The best insight I can offer, and this is only something that works for me and is admittedly difficult... it's that thoughts and feelings often follow action. So the "negative" action of binge eating causes negative thoughts and feelings. Landing us in a perpetual binge -> feel bad - > binge - > feel bad cycle. The best thing I've found for sticking a wrench in that cycle of negativity is stopping one binge here, one binge there and replacing what was going to be a negative activity with a positive activity. That could be as little as resisting the binge and eating something reasonable at home (still positive!) or as much as taking a walk. It's admittedly very difficult, I don't mean to make it sound like "well, stop eating, duh!", but positive thoughts and feelings often follow positive action.
I'm still working on getting off the weight I put on through extensive binging and though it will take time, I feel sooo much better. You can too! Just start with one binge impulse; one day at a time. Even if you do well two days and are bad one, that's JUST one day.
I don't know this will help... I know it's difficult. But you are not alone. And it is not impossible. Binge eating is, afterall, just a much a "routine" as healthy eating is.
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