I did good yesterday and went to the library for the first time by myself since being here. They couldn't help me find a place nearby. The one the librarian knew about would be 3 hours with many transfers on the bus. The other 2 I would need to call the bus company to find out how to get there. All this seem overwhelming just to get help. I knew that it would be difficult to get help in Texas, but I'm the one who decided to move here anyway. I figured that god/universe didn't want me to see a doctor anymore.

Since I didn't have my id with me, I couldn't take a book out so I just read a book on happiness.

Later that night, there was a storm. A light storm. I felt that it wouldn't be anything although some lights went out in the neighborhood. I went to sleep. It seems the couple I was with stayed up the night. When I woke during the night, they were still up. Then this morning, when i went to smoke, they were asleep. I looked around, there was a slight damage to the ceiling. I realized that I should of stayed up the night with them. What I am getting at, is that I realized that I wasn't caring and helpful to them. I should of stayed up the night with them. This made me think that I'm not a caring person and all I did was sleep. Sleep just over took me because I think might be the stress of it or that I just couldn't help falling a asleep. Like anything with stress makes me go to sleep, but during the nights I would wake up. I never saw myself as not caring. This really made me ****** about myself. Does depression do that? Cut some senses like that? These people were caring enough to take me in...and I'm not caring enough to stay up and help out what might happen. I mean they don't have much. They really don't, but they have big hearts. I let them down. And now, I'm feeling really ****** about that.