Iīm not sure if, in my confusion and forgetfulness, I already posted a thread about my sister on this forum a couple of months ago. If I did, Iīm sorry.
My sister and I used to be very very close. Then our father died. We were still pretty close then I think, she was still "normal" at first.
She talked in her "normal" voice and I still had a feeling of "honesty" when I talked to her and "reality".
A couple of months after our fatherīs death she started therapy for depression because she said even though she didnīt feel very bad, she felt "nothing" or like she didnīt "know" how she felt.
During the first months of her therapy she talked to me a lot about our mother, who is an alcoholic and she "complained" a lot and I listened and agreed.
Then, slowly, I felt that she was changing. She didnīt really "talk" to me anymore. Not about anything real. She started talking in this high voice, that didnīt seem like hers, sort of like a sing-sung voice and she kept insisting about little things, how "HAPPY" those made her.
I felt more and more disconnected towards her. I was having trouble myself back then, I felt very bad, but she wouldnīt "let" me have those feelings.
When I felt like crying, she smiled at me in this weird unfitting way, like "o how great everything is".... I couldnīt talk to her anymore.
If I wanted to talk about serious things, she would change the subject to what was on TV or something like that. I think she "refused" to ever put on a frown, even if it was just like empathetic. I couldnīt imagine her being in a "bad mood" anymore. When I asked her about important things in her own life, like finances or her studies she would reply "O, i donīt know about that"... like in a way like she cared a little too less to be real...
When she called for my birthday that year, she sounded like a secretary leaving a cheerful message to a client or something. There was nothing "personal" anymore between us. She would refuse it, I felt.
After some time she even started to ask to see our mother and she pretends like they have a normal relationship and like nothing is wrong.
When she leaves messages for my mother on the phone, she still sounds like that secretary.
Iīm sorry to say I HATE that fakeness in her behaviour and I donīt understand what happened. I felt for a long time that I wanted our old relationship back, but she wouldnīt let me, she was "somewhere up in the clouds" where I couldnīt reach her.
Now, she is having a baby, without really having the financial possibility and
without having finished her studies. Im not saying that people shouldnīt ever do that. It just doesnīt "fit" to her. Before, I donīt think sheīd have done such a thing. Canīt help but feeling that sheīs having the baby for the wrong reasons, which are to fill an emptiness or keep herself busy, give herself something to "do" (and my T agrees)
She is very weird and very much changed. I think I have accepted that change for the most, even though it still makes me sad sometimes.
I think itīd make it a lot easier for me to "accept" if I could UNDERSTAND it.
Any ideas what happened to her, here, possibly?
Thank you
