Quote:
Originally Posted by indigo1015
Recently I've lost my faith in any ability I may have to bond with another person. I'd been chatting, texting, skyping with this guy for over 3 months, and we finally met in person last weekend (since we live so far away from each other, it was difficult to find a weekend that accommodated both our schedules). Seriously, I drove for 7.5 hours to get to his house (and the drive home was over 9 hours). I drove over the mountains which terrified me, and my car battery almost died on me. But I went because we were both so excited to finally meet each other, and after the first night, he told me he wanted us to start dating. I wanted it too, and the next few days were also great. For the rest of the week after I drove home, he seemed to be avoiding me, not texting or talking as often as he usually does. Last night (which was a rough night to begin with) I asked him about it. He started out by saying that he didn't think the long-distance relationship would work out. Although I agreed, I also felt very strongly that long distance wasn't why he really wanted to quit the relationship. So I asked him again what was going on, and he told me he didn't think our personalities worked together. I asked him in what way did they not work together, and he didn't give me any clarification. Needless to say, we broke up, and the rest of the conversation was not pretty.
You might wonder why it's such a big deal to me -- we'd only known each other for a few months, and had only just met in person. For right or for wrong, here's why I was so upset: first, I resented that he tried to BS me and just avoid the issue. I also resent that just because he's got a few hang-ups about this relationship (which he won't even explain to me), he's unwilling to even try to make the relationship work when we'd only just begun. And I know it's unfair to use this against him, but I resent that after making that drive to his place and back, simply to accommodate him, he doesn't want to take this any further. Also he set the stage for the relationship in the first place -- he told me he wanted to start dating. I realize it was stupid of me to fall for that, but if he had doubts or second thoughts, why'd he say that in the first place? I feel like I was just a good time to him, and I didn't understand why he wasn't being honest with me. Most of all, I feel like an idiot, because I feel that he royally screwed me over. Do I attract these types of guys? Why do I always date this type? Will I die old and alone? I'm 28, all my friends are either getting married, married already, or married/divorced with kids. I feel like a loser around them. And hey, I am not saying that I am perfect, or that I'm easy-going, or that I'm so incredibly desirable. I just ask for honesty, that's all.
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first of all let me say this, you are not going to die old and alone..calm down, you are just rushing things a bit..you are only 28..you are still very young, relax, this is only one situation gone bad.
it sucks that you jumped in with both feet and wanted to turn it into a relationship right away...now you know why people sometimes say "let's take it slow".
i suppose something happened over the next two days that created a red flag for him & he tried to let you down nicely is my guess. the fact that he said he didn't think you guys' personalities worked out together solidifies my belief that something occurred that perhaps he had been through before and did not wish to experience again so he wisely ran for the hills and tried to let you down nicely with a BS excuse is my take.
If that be the case, better that he end it now before feelings get too strong between the two of you, and i believe this may be what has happened. now keep in mind i am not him, and this is only speculation..but for me it seems plausible( doesn't make it fair for you to drive that far, though) and reasonable as an explanation for his actions.
so keep in mind, the few days you guys spent together was his only time being around you..if you see red flags right away instead of foraging forward( like i usually do and it all goes down in flames) he decided to not continue when he knew there were problems right away( wish i was that smart!)
so you shouldn't feel like an idiot, he probably considered himself trying to protect your feelings and get out before anyone got hurt, so....an easy excuse to avoid a mess would be to say he didn't think the LD relationship would work, which of course you saw right through and forced him to get down to the real reason...the personalities thing, so with that being said something you did/about your personality turned him off..i believe this, he wasn't going to be direct because he probably didn't want to come off as an **hole so he took the easy way out.
so don't worry about your friends getting married/ married already because as you said some of them are divorced with kids..i do not believe a divorce is something you want to go through, if you don't believe me ask anyone that has been through one..they will tell you, it's not a walk in the park i can imagine quite a gut wrenching experience. so be not in a hurry, you are young and ok..take your time and find the right guy for you...you were not the right girl for him & that's ok..better to find out sooner than later! you only invested a few tanks of gas..that is a lot cheaper then fully investing your heart and being devastated yrs down the line.
so no you are not a loser or anything of the sort, you took a shot and you missed..it happens in the dating game..that's just how it is..happens to the best of us, you'll be fine.. hope this helps
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
