Hi UM, If that's all you've got right now to keep you hanging in there then"fab", just keep holding on to those reasons, and a day at a time, sometimes that is all you can do until something/s starts helping..........but I'm getting the feeling you're caring a lot more about others than yourself right now (??), and that can be so hard when you're trying to put your feelings to one side for the benefit of others. In fact it can make the weight that much heavier with the responsibility..........the guilt weighing on you..........the worry about those important to you............trying to hide the fact that...........when all you want is a bit of an escape from all of that.
SO maybe a little more caring for yourself and finding more safe outlets for what you're going through??
Perhaps have your wife/your family "cut you a bit more slack"?? You don't have to tell them everything (unless you feel you can) but just enough for them to not expect quite so much. And if you just want some more time to yourself (to feel bad or to "recharge your batteries" a little) or if you want them to listen and give you some more support.............then they'll be a bit more "in the know".
And if you can let a bit more out to your T or in group (if you aren't already that is)?
Maybe push your pdoc more on the medication front, although I do know that that's kind of a work in progress.
But.....maybe just make things a bit more about you?? And show yourself a bit more of the caring you're showing others??? I know it really isn't easy, but just don't forget just how much you matter too!!!
Alison