REagleRs, I've about ended my life several times too. I sometimes feel like I'm close to doing it and, like you, I don't tell anybody because I don't want to be hospitalized. I've heard some people have had good hospital experiences but all my times locked-up were bad. However, there were a few times that I know being in the hospital saved my life so it was for the best. I hope I never get to the point where I have to go back there...I'm not sure I'd want to go through it again...but, right now, I think I'd do it if I had to in order to save my life. Today, I want to survive. I hope you can get out of the dark place you are in--I know what its like and it really is a tough way to live....hang in there...you will get through this........D.