I can't look at myself in the mirror. I'm disgusted with myself, my weight, and my eating habits. I want to starve myself. That's the only way because I do not have a healthy relationship with food. If I start eating, I can't stop. But if I don't start, then I have considerably more self-control. I'm too embarrassed to bring this up in therapy. I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I just need to get it out.