I don't know anything about your situation other than what I've read here, Patagonia. But it sounds to me as though you're at a point where you need to think about reaching out to someone, even if it is to call a hotline of some sort such as the National Suicide Prevention Hotline (you don't have to be suicidal to call. They're there to help with any problem.) There's also the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.

I have some idea of what you're saying about your husband. My wife is kind-of similar. She loves me dearly, but she has no idea what goes through my mind on a daily basis. If she did, she would be horrified. Fortunately, we don't have any children. So, as long as I can keep treading water successfully, it doesn't matter.