Slept most of the day. Friend I am staying with help me for a little but before I went back to sleep. Tried to contact 2 other people. Thought about calling suicide line but not bad off yet. Because of my nightmare of family abandoning me, I couldn't function. I thought it was best to sleep the pain away. Also been listening to audio to relax. Been trying to think positive thought by being grateful for what I have. Nothing is working.

I think I accept who I am. All self care I am using is still keeping me alive. Some day a little giimce of happiness. Feel real bad as family I live with have children. I don't want to be effected by me.

Need to figure out a better plan. Trying to figure out getting free medical care when this state don't provide it and everything being far away from me is draining me. The thought I have to have 3 hours transportation or even 2 to see someone for few minutes than bad to another 3 hours on buses makes me feel worse. My whole days will be wasted on transportation for therapy and medication that half works. I've been on that road in before but not that much transportation. My life didn't get better. It actually got worse though some thought it was better. So tired...so tired of this struggle.

I need to work. Even working for my friend, I can't do. She have been really nice and kind.