i get the sense that you're being a bit passive in waiting for your wife to change and address her issues. honestly, i doubt this will work as problems don't go away unless you do something about them and have the necessary motivation to change. i don't know how many sessions of marriage counseling you did but i think you're better off insisting that you and your wife go back to counseling on a weekly basis for as long as it takes to resolve the problems. also, if the counselor was no good find a better one. having said all that you seem to be waiting for your wife to change yet you haven't left your mistress. i'd bet money she's waiting for you to leave your mistress before she's going to make any changes. you mention all these ways you are trying to be supportive and love your wife and yet this is happening all while you are cheating on her. do you really not see how it doesn't work that way? either commit to working on your marriage and completely leave your mistress or leave your wife. halfway measures really aren't going to work. how would you feel if your wife was cheating but expecting you to change all the while she wasn't prepared to leave her lover?