Oh goodness, I'm so sorry you're feeling so low at this moment. I was struck with several thoughts while reading your post. 1. Dang this girl is an awesome writer! You are so articulate and intelligent, very aware of who you are and where you're at. 2. Even though you have done everything you can do to stop all communication with your ex, as long as he kept contacting you, which he did up until last month, he effectively stalled your healing process. Each time he reaches out, there is that tiny tiny voice of He Still Needs Me, that last little thread attached to your heart. Severing that thread is painful, as you face being replaced. When he stops contact for good that thread will be cut and you can fully absorb him completely moving on. It may have been two years since the breakup, but it's only been a month since you've heard from him. You control not contacting him, he controls not contacting you. And that hurts. A lot. This is your last painful hurdle. You've jumped many thus far, you can do this one! It's ok to break down, you're human. Cry as much as you need, then get back up as you have been. Please keep us posted.