For me, no there is not a connection between suicidal thoughts and si. Yes, I have been suicidal, but not very many times in my life. The first time, I was about 15 or so and just really struggling. I wasn't having any suicidal thoughts, just depressed, but a teacher said something really mean about me and I went off the edge. I was a MAJOR perfectionist and deathly afraid of disappointing anyone. So this was the nail in the coffin for me, I guess. There was no warning. I went to school relatively ok that morning. After school, the teacher said that about me and I went home and decided to kill myself right then. I was going to OD on pills, take everything in our cabinet. But luckily my little brother came home just as I was taking pills out of the medicine cabinet, so I couldn't do it. After that, the urge passed. Now, during this period of time, I was not much of an si-er. Occasionally I would bite my hand a little or pinch myself, but I had never cut or anything. And I didn't do any type of si that day.

When I started cutting, I was not suicidal. I thought I was going crazy, and I was depressed, anxious, and desperately lonely. I felt I had no one to turn to and I had some major traumatic things happening in my life. I actually remember thinking, I'm not going to fight anymore. I'm just going to give in and go nuts! lol. So I cut up my arms. I quickly became obsessed and did this a couple times a day for a period of about two weeks. Sometime in there, I started feeling a little suicidal but only mildly.

Since then, I have had VERY OCCASIONAL thoughts of suicide, but very fleeting Usually they happen when I'm driving somewhere that it would be really easy to make it look like an accident. But I don't have any fear that I would act on them. SI, however, I find it VERY hard to resist whenever I feel extremely depressed, angry, worthless, etc, etc, etc. I have si urges a LOT, but suicidal thoughts only rarely.

I definitely have a weakness for si, but not for suicidal impulses. So for me, no they are not connected.

As far as warning signs go, I don't think I tend to give any. Actually, I take that back. When I become isolative, and if I talk about being tired of fighting and wanting to give up, it's a good idea to at least "check in" with me and see if I am thinking about it.

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-