Hi flip,
I am sorry you are having a bad time right now.
There have been some times in the last year when I had periods of what I would call "non-feeling." Before I had them, I would have thought not having emotion would have been great compared to the intense, mostly negative moods and emotions I usually experience and which I feel are most aptly described as "emotional diabetes." But I didn't like the non feeling episodes at all, and found myself feeling like I was in a bubble and disconnected from everyone else. Several people I know said they discontinued antidepressants because they felt they were preventing them from experiencing their true emotions and they felt sort of blah all the time.
I don't know if you are on antidepressants but it seems to be the current thinking that antidepressants are often contraindicated for bipolars. It's something I am thinking a lot about because I take paxil..
I have felt perplexed a lot of times in the many years I have taken psychotropics-often wondering if my meds are making me feel a particular way or if what I am having is a "true" feeling based on what was going on in my life. I also have found the many episodes of depression to be very wearing and somewhat of a factor in causing me to be more depressed and hopeless feeling at times.

As far as your marriage goes, for what it is worth from someone like myself who is no relationship expert, there was something I read in "The Road Less Travelled," that intrigued me. A man said he didn't feel love for his wife, and the response he was given was to act loving regardless of how he felt and sooner or later the feelings would catch up with his actions. I don't know if this works, but like I said it intrigued me and sort of gave me a new perspective on love.

I don't know if any of my ramblings are helpful and address what you have posted about so I will stop going on now.

I hope something works out for you.

take care,

Meta