Quote:
Originally Posted by Sky Blueblack
I think the thing that annoys me with all this, is that you come here giving personal information and basically slagging off your wife as some sort of excuse for being a second rate man that f*cks other women behind her back!
I think you should leave if you are not happy. You obviously don't make her happy as she wouldn't comfort eat an extra 100lbs worth and when she found out her husband was unfaithful and disrespectful to her and uncaring about how that would affect her children, she would have had the self esteem to boot you out and find someone better.
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Not a very fair post. I haven't slagged her off and I am not currently having an affair. I find it amusing that in the world we live in if a woman has an affair everybody wonders what her man isn't giving her. If a man does then he is automatically assumed to be an asshole. A man should be supportive if his wife gains weight but a man also should get off his lazy butt and stay in shape.
I come on here looking for advice and a sounding board but I get a lot of "suck it up and deal with it like a man". I want to save my marriage and a good part of the sentiment is quit whining. This is the overwhelming majority in society so is it any wonder that men cheat and/or leave? A mans job is to be a good husband and provider. A wife's job is what? Too make her husband happy? No that is to 1950's. If you look at the current idea of marriage basically a womans job is to be married. It is acceptable for a married woman to have single male friends, not work, gain weight, go on trips with their girlfriends etc etc. None of these are considered acceptable for men. I'm not saying it doesn't happen but If I were to gain 100lbs her friends would have no issue with telling me to stop being such a slob or to go out and get a job. Could you imagine what would happen if my buddies took that liberty with my wife? Its a bit of a double standard isn't it.
Beyond all that when a relationship goes south it is generally public perception that its the mans fault. I accept blame in this situation but I refuse to accept more than my due. All these issues mentioned in my posts happened or began happening before my affair. The weight gain happened before as well so I'm thinking that it wasn't from low self-esteem from my affair.
We are working on our marriage and as an update she has lost 15lbs and has started doing her hair every day because she wants to be more "girly" for me (her words). She has also stopped yelling at the kids and is making a conscious effort to not interrupt me when we are talking and to listen to what I have to say. These are good first steps to me but I wonder if they are in time or if it is too late. I love her and I always will. I know that for a fact. the problem is I don't know what kind of love I have for her anymore.