I'm having a really tough time with getting diagnosed and treated. I have a lot of trouble adequately expressing myself in appointments, I think because of my social anxiety. Unless my mood is extremely irritable or depressed, I put up an very convincing front. It's for sure a defense mechanism, I can't control it at all- it's like I go on autopilot and turn into a great listener who's all smiles and agrees with everything everyone says in a very pleasant manner.

It's like the emotional part of my brain just shuts off, I dissociate pretty badly and I usually don't even know how I actually feel about things until hours, sometimes days later when I finally process the conversation. It's ridiculous and it's seriously inhibiting my ability to get what's actually needed. It makes my doctors think my problems are less severe than they actually are because I seem perfectly fine. My own mother can't always tell when I'm doing this. I would never expect them to see through it either.

The thinking part of my brain shuts down too, so when I am put on the spot or asked a question about how something feels, how I feel, or to access a memory or something it's like it's just gone. I can't answer, it's like all I am is a sunny surface and there's nothing deeper in that moment. When I try to find what they're looking for it's like I literally just run into black, empty space. It's like I'm trying to sense a body part that isn't there. I feel like my brain is locking me out and I hate it! Has anyone else experienced this? How do you work around it?