Well I have talked about her about my unhappiness and explained to her why I think I'm unhappy. Unfortunately I can't force change so if she is not willing there is nothing I can do. In terms of her behavior all I can do is tell her what upsets me and try to work through it with her.

For my part I have asked her what she needs from me and I have done my best to accommodate her. I am always there when she needs me, I listen to her when she needs a friend, I never raise my voice to her, I take a very active role in raising our children. Also I take it very seriously that I be someone she can be proud of in terms of job, health and attractiveness. I have tried to be everything she could want because I figured I wasn't doing enough for her and that was the reason she treated me poorly. I have recently come to the realization that I can't accept all the blame and that it is a 2 way street so I am waiting for her to meet me halfway (or at least a quarter way).

We have been to counselling, romantic vacations just the two of us, we participate in activities together (softball, gym etc.) and we try and spend time together but I just don't have those feelings anymore. I know that if there were no kids involved I would have left a while ago but there are so thats a moot point.

In case I have misrepresented my marriage, we do not fight in front of the children, we say I love you in front of them and we act like we still love each other. My oldest isn't stupid and she knows something is up but the 2 youngest are oblivious to the situation. If it were as the posts above say and the kids were being put in the middle then I would end it.

As for the other woman, we are very good friends and she knows all the ins and outs of my marriage. To her credit she talked me out of leaving 2 years ago and convinced me to give it a go. We both want to see each other happy and she doesn't want to see me throw away my marriage without at least trying to salvage it.