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AmysJourney · May 14, 2014, 06:49 PM

"Day #21

Hello all. Sorry, Sorry, Sorry for a very late email. I know it will arrive for some of you after midnight.
The truth? I had a sh%#t, fu%#^$ up, miserable day and I am very frustrated. I spend all day at the hospital getting MRI's and scans only to confirm what I already knew. And remember, an MRI costs me $1600! So I spent lots of money for a diagnosis that my nurse had already made and that was already upsetting enough.

Anyway, I tried to make the best of it and kept in touch with some people via text message, imagined that when I got home I will have two pieces of Belgian chocolate and I played games on my phone until the battery died
I can now run 10000 meters on TempleRun and yay, with so little excitement that is an achievement! So don't judge me..

But ok, I will be serious for a moment. I was sorely confronted with my big fear today. Having something scary happen like it did to me today makes it more obvious how fragile everything is for me at the moment. I feel I am not ready, I am not done yet, I still have too much life inside me.
Then again, there is so much I have achieved lately. I have an awesome therapist who is with me on this journey. She shows her fear and sadness without shame, which makes me able to do the same. She helps me accept things but she also shares my frustration and senses the unfairness of this situation. And she loves me and is not afraid to say it. If she could she would be with me every day. And in a way she is. We text a lot, we email, she calls she is here for me all the time. And I have some sweet friends who help me here too and a nice nurse who I really learned to love.

When I got back I sat outside and I saw our groundhog come out.. I was even able to take a picture before heard the click of the phone and ran away like a maniac. Be he will be back out soon, he comes to visit every day now. I really love watching him.
I will attach a picture here, too cute!

With love,
A"