<<All self care I am using is still keeping me alive>>

YEP!

Gosh, for the first time reading these boards, I have tears. Tears from a memory, the memory of what pride feels like.

I've pretty much wasted the last ten years of my life, wasted in the sense of material accomplishments, friends, etc., etc. Just sat here, basically.

And I felt so guilty, which of course made it worse.

Then, in the worst of that guilt, the voice in my head scolded, "So what the heck have you accomplished today?"

And there was the answer welling up from the depths of my soul"

"I STAYED ALIVE, DAMMIT! I STAYED ALIVE!"

And I felt so proud of myself, cause I realized that for me, staying alive IS a big accomplishment, and something to be very, very proud of.

I'm crying as I write this. Letting go of the shame, the guilt, the grief.... and accepting that I am ... who I am. I'm me, that's all.

And that's enough.