There's no one I can talk to about this stuff, so hopefully sharing it here will help?:
So this is my first post in over two years apparently. I suppose going on medication (Luvox) really numbed me because now that I'm off it, I can actually FEEL again, and it is highly over-rated!
I've been off of Luvox for the majority of the year and I am back to having the same symptoms I've always had, depression, obsessive negative thoughts, being very sensitive, and anxiety, especially social anxiety which has never been this bad. I only feel calm when I'm alone in my room. Being at work makes me want to cry and putting on a "happy face" has become a chore which I perform constantly. I've isolated myself from my friends, which I've never been close with anyway because I can't trust people. I have never been able to connect with other people. I feel like everyone at work hates me or thinks I'm crazy. They recently had a party at one of the girls houses and nobody invited me even though everyone was there, I know that sounds like an immature thing to be upset about, but I honestly thought they liked me and that hurt like hell. I can see that they see me as moody, negative, and no fun. I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of being lonely and afraid of people. I live with my mom but she doesn't listen when I try to talk about what I'm feeling. Today I tried and she just ignored me and read the ads from the mail. I am so done and I don't want to go back on meds, and I don't trust therapists. I was hospitalized once and I swear I'm never going back so it's hard to open up to them when they hold that power over me. I know I'm rambling and I apologize for any misspelling or grammatical errors, I'm typing this on my Phone because I needed privacy and computer is in the living room. If anybody has any advice or words of encouragement I would be eternally grateful. I'm also a great listener, please let me know how I can help you. <3