I feel a big crash coming..........

A little of two years ago I finally sought help for my depression (after I admitted to my wife about a number of suicide attempts).

Dr "A" gave me some meds. They did not help. Try med "B" - it did not help either. He stuck me (against my will) in the nuthouse for a lovely six day stay. Then he claimed that I dropped him as a doctor (which I didnt) and then refused to see me.

So on to Dr "B". She tried meds "C" and "D". No luck. She took a new job in a far away city.

On to Dr "C". He wanted to do electro shock. I was not sure. Before I could convince myself HE left for another job.

The next one was not even a doctor. She was a physcians aide or something. Basically she just read from a chart. You tried meds A,B,C,D. How about E?

Gee there is a confidence builder. One of my therapist recommended another doctor in a whole different hospital system in my community. Okay, I made the switch. The first thing he did was a cheek swab test that would see what meds my body would most like respond well to and which ones they would not respond well to.

* side note - why the hell is this not the FIRST thing doctors do?

Finally - some comfort with a doctor. The meds.... I was not so sure if they are working or not (just been on them about 8 weeks).

Guess what I get in the mail yesterday. A notice that my latest doctor has taken a new job and is no longer available.

ARE YOU F____ING KIDDING ME???

I guess I can take a hint. God simply does not want me to ever get better.

Fine.