Okay, I really have nothing, but my friend and her family who took me in because I had no job and money. I was scared for a while that my depression would cause them to kick me out like my family did. Today, I'm feeling better and those thoughts are out of my mind for now. I guess, with help of this forum, my friend and other factors. So that I'm thinking clearly for the first time in a long time, someone on the forum asked me what my goals were. It got me thinking about my future.

So here I am now. It's been over 2 months that I'm living in a state I don't know anyone, but her. I haven't done much but been depressed and living in anxiety. Today is the first time I feel open to possibilities. I realized that I would need to find my own place. I need to make money and start a new life. When I came here, all I thought about was that I was going to be with my close friend and that it was my last chance to survive.

So almost everything that was my life in the past is gone. I'm 45 and I need to start from beginning.

This is very scary for me. Most days I don't know where to start.

I was trying in NY for 2.5 years to get a job in a field I was in originally. I did get a part-time job and with the help of the government's back to work program, I had a job. It didn't pay well and there were other problems...and then I somehow found myself without job and money. But mostly, I didn't get a job that would give me a living income or got back into the field. I had vague plans in NY. Most was to get a job and then everything will follow. But I didn't get a job and everything that followed was a result of not having a job.

My friend offer me a place to stay and work for her company. I'm not getting paid as they don't have the money, but I have room and board and their company which I am thankful for.

Now, I'm ready to set some kind of future goal. I know one of them is to get a job that I make some money. I have been having a problem with this from the time I have been here. I can't seem to get out there and ask for a job. First for me was that everything is far away, but now, I see there are little stores around me. Not much. So I know that is one of the first things I have to do.

But I need some kind of structure about how my future is going - I think. Maybe that is what I need to be my push.

Because for some reason, I don't seem to do what I need to do to be self-sufficient. I know my fault and how that makes me sound like a lazy person. I didn't used to be like this.

I'm just asking for any help or idea to get me moving.