Hi LileyDiane,

First, welcome to PC. I am sorry you didn't get answered right away.

I am sorry this man you care for so much is so challenged this way. He is only distancing from you not because he doesn't like you, but because he is being triggered when it comes to being intimate. PTSD drives the person to want to "avoid" any reminders, and it is much more than a "conscious" thing, it is a deep subconscious hurt. And what is happening to him is that he gets all confused emotionally when he is near you and it is embarrassing him and that is why he is distancing from you. What can happen is that doing anything that is like being with an abuser can bring up all the emotional challenges that took place while being abused, even when the person doesn't want that to happen. PTSD is "intrusive" meaning it isn't something the person struggling "wants to feel or remember or react when a reminder happens, often it can be painful and exhausting". The average person doesn't understand that at all, most people are in control of their emotions and consciously decide how to react, with PTSD that is challenged and the person often reacts without making that conscious choice.

It really takes time and patience for the person struggling with PTSD, it's hard work to try to gain more control. If someone wants to be with someone who struggles with PTSD they need to be very understanding and realize there will be times were the PTSD sufferer will get frustrated, grumpy, and need some space. People who struggle with PTSD "are" often very nice and sensitive people, but they just struggle in ways other people don't understand.

OE