This sounds like generalized anxiety, and I think it's time to see a psychiatrist about it. It might help you a lot.

Anxiety is exhausting, and causes withdrawal, fear, and depression - all the stuff you describe.

Eventually the generalization gets a name. For you it sounds very specific, but it's likely just a focus for the underlying pattern of upset that is essentially amorphous (which makes it even more intolerable).

I wish you the best, and I hope you can find some peace.