I've often wondered about having the courage to let go, just to stop trying to care and look after myself and throwing myself entirely at the mercy of "fate". Somehow there is a deep attraction in doing this, especially as working hard to keep sane has let me down because I'm too "safe" to get a service from the MH professionals. I've held things together for 20 years, it doesn't get any easier and although I keep holding back, my grip is tenuous to say the least.
It is possible to keep going through the motions, day in, day out, it sucks though.