None of your experiences are as intense for anyone as they are for you. What feels unbearable inside your skin is only echoed in your words. So, it's truly easier for your therapist to be there for you, care about you, and not be irritated by you than you might realize.

The truth is: it's hardest for you to be you.

Still, everything you're going through is par for the course in this type of therapy, you're making sense, and it should get easier.

I hope you will try and have some compassion for yourself.

You're doing good work, I think you're being wise to accept her gift, and perhaps you need a bit of time to mentally or physically list what makes you powerful. Don't forget that you are worthwhile and doing well at some things, even if feeling volatile. Don't forget that you're more than your feelings and things will be okay.