I'm up late, can't sleep due to a cold. So I will be short.

Bipolar type 1 dad, I was diagnosed as depressed, possibly bipolar at age 19 after a psychedelic induced psychotic episode.

Then I seemed to get better, got a career and fell in love, life was good.

About 10 years later, I kids and went through a bankruptcy, went totally manic, psychotic and was diagnosed as bipolar type 1. Prescribed Depakote. I soon went off the meds, because I believed I would be healed by god, and that meds wouldn't help.

A year later, I was pretty depressed and tried Lamictal. That seemed to diverge trick for me, I was fairly calm, stable. I again thought I was healed by god and quit the meds and quit therapy.

In 2013, I had a epiphany that my religion and my faith was delusional.... My beliefs didn't match up with reality and my entire lifetime of faith in the supernatural came crashing down... This was a good thing for me because my delusional beliefs basically disappeared overnight! The downside of course to my new "atheist" mind, was that I no longer had the hope and comfort that a "god" was watching over me and healing me.... I am again struggling with depression, and lately it's just a lot if irritability and rapid cycling mixed stuff, but so far no extremes.

I started seeing a new Pdoc, he does psychotherapy as well as meds. I started the Lamictal again today... Of course, it will be several weeks before I know if it helps, but I am hopeful.



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