Oh my gosh Supanova, that really helps a lot! Thank you.

I actually only found out about that politician's Bipolar today when it popped up in a search I was doing (I don't know how I hadn't heard sooner!). I don't really think he should have been in the position either, but whether he has it or not, I'm just really really glad I saw that before telling my boss anything about my condition!

Thank you for your reassurance that I'm not overthinking or being irrational. It's just so hard when I feel like I can't put my health first without having someone (usually my mum, but also my husband and other family) voice their concerns about my job. It seems to be the first thing they say - that I have a great job I can't afford to lose. I don't think they realise that I do care about my job, which is why I've worked so hard to keep it - through sickness, death in my family, some of my deepest depressions, and hypomanias where I had almost torn my marriage to pieces, etc. It's been exhausting!!!! I honestly have no idea how I've held myself together in that place like I have. Even my pdoc said the other day that I've always been tough.

I think my struggle with it being my mum in my ear is because I do really value her opinions. She was the one who started taking me to all kinds of therapy when I was 8 (a children's psychiatrist, horse therapy, all kinds of things!), was there for my diagnosis, the times I've ended up in hospital etc, and overall, is the person who worked so hard to understand me and try to get me better over the years (it was my own fault for eventually rejecting getting help, and I will admit to that)..

That being said, I definitely want to get better now. I don't want to live like this. I can't handle the instability in my life, those close to me can't handle it either..but I don't want to be resentful toward them because I feel guilty if I do what I believe is best for me.

I think the stress leave is a great suggestion. My pdoc doesn't work today but I managed to talk to him this morning about the disabling effect Seroquel is having on me and my needing to work, and he said I can go see my GP for a Lamotrigine prescription.. So that's where I'm going this afternoon. I will discuss with him the prospect of stress leave etc. (My pdoc also said he can get me some time off, so I have that option too, I just don't know if that will make it obvious of what's going on haha)
If I do end up getting time off at some point, I think something like the Inpatient CBT course would be a great option. I hadn't even thought of that. It's almost what I need... I am going to start looking into that!

Thank you for your support Supanova!!!! I really appreciate it