Hazelgirl - I could have written your post, just about word.for.word The fear of being authentic in therapy about the angry feelings. The wanting T to just end it (but not really, but maybe, but no...) just to STOP the freight train staring me down every session. Having T stay consistently supportive and compassionate, but feeling that deep down T is really not so thrilled to be meeting with me. That he finds me incredibly annoying and might just wish I'd give up already Then getting mad at T for being so damn supportive. And not wanting to feel all the feelings because they are so much and then feeling silly cause why can other people just feel them and move on? Ugh.

I find this stuff really difficult to process and sometimes, I feel really alone in the feelings. Like no one else ever gets like this and I'm the only one to ever experience them because there's something wrong with me. I appreciate your sharing it and just wanted to let you know you're not alone