Hi ToeJam, I've just got to reiterate too that the depression isn't your fault!!! And particularly after some of the things you've been through you wouldn't be human if they hadn't had some sort of adverse effect on you. Sure there may be some things you can do to help with the way you're feeling but that can sometimes be way easier said than done. And there will naturally be times when you can only take very small steps with real support.
And no, none of what you're feeling is pathetic or stupid, in fact just the fact that you're putting it out there shows you've got real insight and strength!! And nothing at all to be embarrassed or ashamed about!!!
As for the crisis team maybe you could just ask for them to assess you, they may not allocate you to anyone depending on their opinion, but even if they don't they'll still have that assessment on file if things do get worse/you really need them and they may take your situation a bit more "seriously" at that point.
Sorry not familiar with IAPT??? But would be good if you could get some (even a little??) input from psychiatric services, after all they would probably have a lot more experience/training/knowledge (hopefully!!!) than a standard G.P.
For your therapist, sometimes it can be a lot more damaging if unqualified/untrained therapists are leading you down paths you aren't ready to go down/the wrong paths. But it can depend on whether you're able to filter out what really isn't right/good for you, draw lines at what you're prepared to "accept", and use only what might actually be useful for you without taking the rest on board. But that can be really difficult..........
As for further support though, do you have helpline or crisisline numbers even the number for the Samaritans- and you don't actually have to be on the verge of suicide to call the Samaritans or anyone? Sorry if I've asked this before but the more support you have the better, there will be so many people out there for you not to have to do this alone. Including us!!!
Alison