Oh yes, it's that time again. Craziness all over the place.

My love situation (or lack of it) of the past half year has made me into a trainwreck again. And I don't mean my boyfriend, but the guy I've obviously been obsessing about even though all the signs have always been there I should have let it go al long time ago already. Right now I've decided I hate, hate, HATE him. (And two days ago I still was telling everyone how much I respect him and think he is a good person even though the situation sucks.) And I don't know which is the actual rational way to feel. And I don't want him anywhere near me, I want him to drop dead, and on the otherside I want nothing more to then to be around him just so I can act really rude to him and just make him feel bad and he might realize what a complete idiot he is and that he misses me... (Yea right, never gonna happen) but that's not the biggest problem.

First it got me to the point where I was drinking constantly and getting myself in some real wrong situations with drugs, so after I had a absolute panic attack and melt down about that I decided to stop drinking and lay low for a while, thought it'd do me good... well it didn't.

I'm not sleeping anymore, even with my mild relaxation pills which get me completely stoned during the day when they don't need to. I'm hurting myself, I quit eating, which I always do when I feel like I lost all control. My concentration is gone after 30 seconds of every conversation, I can't get any work done. My memory is total loss, I constantly do things and can't remember if I did or said them 5 minutes later. And oh my god, the mood swings are over the top. I don't even feel comfortable going out when I feel a bit better cause I know that I only need one little thing to get me completely depressed again.
But sitting alone with my thoughts is driving me crazy as wel. I haven't done my dishes in days just because I can't stand the thought of having to stand there for 20 minutes and having to concentrate on nothing else but that.

I know I probably don't have to explain this to most of you, but dear god I needed to get this out of my system. I don't have anyone to talk to and I only see my therapist once a week at this point which is not enough.
Anyone any new coping tips? I'm considering mindfulness but I can't get myself to start.