Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
You did great and you can feel very, very good about that. I think her hesitation about writing has nothing to do with any doubt about her caring. I think it's more that it's a daunting task to somehow encapsulate the depth and breadth of feelings shared in a one-off letter. I think it's bound to feel flat, especially if you tend to obsess over each word over time. It's taken me a long time to be able to take what my T writes at face value and allow his words to reflect him, not me. If I couldn't do that, each letter would make me crazy. I think she simply doesn't want to create a potential burden for you. I can almost guarantee you that what you will remember of your last session in the future is her calm and hopeful demeanor, her faith in you; had she expressed upset at your leaving, not only would it have been unprofessional and unhelpful for you, but it would have left you with doubts and unsettled feelings.  |
You made me feel so much better, and I will have to refer back to this post occasionally to think positively about this. Thank you for supporting me throughout the end-- I really appreciate it. I am happy about finally making eye contact, even if it was only for that moment when I was shaking her hand. I held my gaze for awhile, and I was thinking, "Wow, so
this is who she is. This is who knows me." I'm just afraid that I didn't do a good job other than that though. Because shouldn't I have been more positive? I cried in the beginning and she said she wanted me to frame the end positively or I wouldn't get meaning out of it. But I can't help but be upset. I feel like I let her down because of that though; of course what she did made a positive impact, and aren't I being ungrateful for being sad instead of glad that it happened? What if she feels disappointed? After the handshake I said, "I will miss you" because I needed her to know that, but she didn't say anything and I sensed it was the wrong thing to say.
I think what you're saying about the letter makes sense. I would over-analyze every word, and I would probably find something to question or be disappointed about. That letter was a lot of pressure because it was supposed to demonstrate how much she cares, so she would have had to say everything just right. It had the potential to be problematic.
She was calm and hopeful for me, and this actually did help me bear the loss even as I left. It wasn't until later that I became very very upset. I was expecting her to be sad too and to share in the pain, so I think that's why it bothered me. But she had to model how to think of it for me. She has faith that I will be okay and that I'm moving on to great things, so she's not sad; she's happy for me. Thank you feralkittymom.