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Originally Posted by Freewilled
Hazelgirl - I could have written your post, just about word.for.word  The fear of being authentic in therapy about the angry feelings. The wanting T to just end it (but not really, but maybe, but no...) just to STOP the freight train staring me down every session. Having T stay consistently supportive and compassionate, but feeling that deep down T is really not so thrilled to be meeting with me. That he finds me incredibly annoying and might just wish I'd give up already  Then getting mad at T for being so damn supportive. And not wanting to feel all the feelings because they are so much and then feeling silly cause why can other people just feel them and move on? Ugh.
I find this stuff really difficult to process and sometimes, I feel really alone in the feelings. Like no one else ever gets like this and I'm the only one to ever experience them because there's something wrong with me. I appreciate your sharing it and just wanted to let you know you're not alone |
Thank you. It does feel very isolating and confusing. I feel like a swirling storm is going on inside of me and I can't find my way out sometimes. In this case, it was a specific situation that was causing a majority of the feelings, and working on resolving that seems to have helped a lot. But sometimes, like you said, it's just because she is kind. And then I feel terrible for being angry at her for it.
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Originally Posted by someone321
Do you feel better after her response? I'm glad that eventually you have sent it because otherwise you would suffer and think about it till Monday... I hope that her response helped you... I completely relate to your first posts, I hate sending mails to my T because I'm afraid that I'd annoy her and I also think that I should get over it because I should be strong...
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Yes, it helped a lot. The thing causing most of this was what I wrote about on Thursday (maybe Friday depending on where you are in the world) talking about how she ignored one of my texts. I brought it up, even though I was anxious about it, and she apologized and explained that she was distracted at the time. She had a lot to consider and instead of being able to take the time to think about it and respond thoughtfully, she chose to wait and had planned on mentioning it at a later time. But once I explained how upset it made me feel to not have a response, she let me know about the different things she was considering.
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Originally Posted by sweepy62
I understand you, I am sorry you are feeling this way, lately I been needing lots of reasurrance, and she has noticed it and told me its a pattern, but understands why I need all this reasurrance, i dont call her but in session, i ask her the same things every time, she tells me im not bothering her, she is not leaving or kicking me out, Im just scared I guess because of all this niceness.
im not yet attached. I know how you feel, its so difficult, but she wouldnt be offering all these things to you, if she was not WILLING AND WANTING to do so, its genuine hazelgirl. She cares about you, you would be giving me the same advice right now, you always help me out in such situations, think about it.
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I know. I'm such a hypocrite. But I normally give advice by putting myself in the shoes of the person I'm talking to and trying to figure out what would benefit me the most. But yeah, I'm definitely a hypocrite when it comes to a lot of the advice I give