Hi winterglen, WOW you're putting so many expectations on the way you think/feel you "should" be!! I'm not surprised they're bringing you down, that can be a tough act for anyone to accomplish let alone if you're struggling in general.
And I know you've probably heard this before, but if someone did have all those things you're wanting of/for yourself they wouldn't necessarily make them "happy". In fact some people doing all that/with all that can still be severely depressed.
So let's put you first in all of this, OK? Forget about the "should"'s. Sometimes it can be the "smallest/tiniest" things that can be most meaningful, most significant, mean the most!!
And maybe start by pulling apart what is special about you, and there will be things if you really look!! They can be achievements (however small!!), aspects of your personality, even small things you've done for others (and even small things can mean so much!!)..............
And as for goals, well they are a good thing to have, just maybe slow down a bit there though??
Some goals you might want to reduce a bit, some you might want to think about practical steps to get there (and some might take a lot of steps and a lot of time, but that's OK), and for some goals you might want to change them to something "a bit more personal"/achievable/fulfilling to you.
But still there are quite a lot of goals there!! Perhaps start by focusing on just one or two first??
And I've got to say with: "I have to be the perfect friend and be prepared every second of the day to be the perfect friend who never does anything wrong, and who always says and does the exact right thing at the exact right time...............", and a couple of other things you've said, if you start thinking that way/doing that then you are going to wind up trying to live your life mainly for others, losing yourself, and that really isn't fair on you at all!! You need to be yourself, and to have others value and respect you for who you are too. As well as give you support when you need that!! You matter just as much as anyone else.
Alison