Thank you for all the replies... when I posted first thing this morning, the adrenaline was pumping and it took me a while to calm down. Been at work, so I thought it best to respond when I got back home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe
I'm in almost the same situation. Part of me wants to make a grand gesture just to get a service. Life shouldn't be this cruel. Glad you have a supportive gp. That your doc gave you 25 minutes means they are genuine in their desire to help.
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I had noticed your post in my other thread and noted similarities. As for grand gestures... yeah I know what you mean... I don't look at the impulses as that when they happen, but boy do I beat myself up for them once my brain kicks in... that if I did something, that's what it would look like, and as such it fuels the self hate
And yes... my doctor has restored my faith in GP's (went for along time refusing to get help)... I felt bad for taking that much time though... was thinking 'Christ, if I was sitting in the waiting room and my appointment was 20mins late... especially if I slotted it in before I started work, I'd be panicking'
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankbtl
Hi ToeJam, I've just got to reiterate too that the depression isn't your fault!!! And particularly after some of the things you've been through you wouldn't be human if they hadn't had some sort of adverse effect on you. Sure there may be some things you can do to help with the way you're feeling but that can sometimes be way easier said than done. And there will naturally be times when you can only take very small steps with real support.
And no, none of what you're feeling is pathetic or stupid, in fact just the fact that you're putting it out there shows you've got real insight and strength!! And nothing at all to be embarrassed or ashamed about!!!
As for the crisis team maybe you could just ask for them to assess you, they may not allocate you to anyone depending on their opinion, but even if they don't they'll still have that assessment on file if things do get worse/you really need them and they may take your situation a bit more "seriously" at that point.
Sorry not familiar with IAPT??? But would be good if you could get some (even a little??) input from psychiatric services, after all they would probably have a lot more experience/training/knowledge (hopefully!!!) than a standard G.P.
For your therapist, sometimes it can be a lot more damaging if unqualified/untrained therapists are leading you down paths you aren't ready to go down/the wrong paths. But it can depend on whether you're able to filter out what really isn't right/good for you, draw lines at what you're prepared to "accept", and use only what might actually be useful for you without taking the rest on board. But that can be really difficult..........
As for further support though, do you have helpline or crisisline numbers even the number for the Samaritans- and you don't actually have to be on the verge of suicide to call the Samaritans or anyone? Sorry if I've asked this before but the more support you have the better, there will be so many people out there for you not to have to do this alone. Including us!!!
Alison
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Thank you Alison, had a nice chat with you in the chat function earlier today, so I hope you don't mind me replying in brief to this... just to say, as always, your post was great and thank you!
oh and a quick link to what iapt is about
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IAPT |
Basically, it's a recognised counselling provider by the NHS. Therapists predominantly use CBT and a lot of doctor surgeries will have a couple of T's that come in to do one on one with people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by secretwhisper
I'm glad you took the note to your GP this morning, and that he actually gave you a longer appointment. He seems like a good doctor  you really should listen to him when he says to call if things get worse before the two weeks until your next appointment. Even if you just go and let him know how it is getting it off your chest might help. 
With your therapy is there anyway you can increase the sessions to weekly instead of fortnightly? Maybe that would help to give you more support right now. And if the doctor recommends this IAPT (no idea what this is) then theres no harm in trying.
And he is right, this is absolutely not your fault. We don't choose depression and everything that comes with it. Don't blame yourself or beat yourself up over it. You're doing the best you can |
Thanks Secret
If I was a little bit better off financially, I would love to do weekly sessions (my T has mentioned regret that bi-weekly is having it's toll)... but at £50 a pop... £100 a month is about as much as I can manage at this time.
The problem I have with the whole "see the doctor if things get that bad" is that I just feel so stupid with myself... and I get very angry... that by the time I saw him, that moment is likely to have passed (hopefully, god forbid an impulse becomes too much) due to berating myself like mad on the way to see him and then I just look like a total idiot.
Which... actually now I think about it, could have the desired effect... I don't have to go in if I've calmed down... but the actual going there might calm me down.
WIll have to think about that one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear
 ((((((((( TJ )))))))))) |
right back at you Fuzzy
Quote:
Originally Posted by gayleggg
Tj, I'm glad your doctor is supporting you in this. Depression isn't a choice. You didn't choose it and all that goes with it. I'm glad you let your wife know what is going on, too. It is very important that the other person realize it's not their fault either.
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Yeah, thanks Gayle. I've tried to keep my wife abreast of what is going on, to include her in what is happening at the doctors, with my T (I tell her all about it)... so she can see and understand the process. We both went through many hard years of me refusing to get help, pretty much climbing up the wall... and it was chaotic for our relationship.
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Originally Posted by newgal2
(((( TJ )))) My T reminded me this week that the depression I'm in isn't my fault. Somehow that was comforting because I find myself blaming myself a lot lately for being depressed. I have to remember that I come by it honestly too - - my great grandmother committed suicide and my grandmother had bipolar, in and out of the hospital her whole life. For some reason, the hereditary factor makes me feel less like it's my fault too. But I forget all of this so easily and am right back in the "it's my fault, I'm just a loser who can't deal with life" trap. Ugh. Frustrating.
Hang in there. I always enjoy your posts and feel they're useful. |
Thank you so much for your post! In my family I don't believe there has been any official diagnosis of mh issues before me (one of my parents had a fit when I got hospitalised, was convinced that I had irrevocably shut the door to many career opportunities) ... that's not to say they weren't there... but both of my parents come from very hard backgrounds where no one ever admitted to weakness.
With that said, my mum dealt with suicidal notions and anxiety when I was around 11 (I was already having problems) and, being a single parent, talked and shared with the one person she felt she could - me. That was baggage that in later years I am not overly fond of... but it helped her and I was glad to help.
When ever it was suggested that my dad should see a T, he just laughed and told that person to piss off haha.
It is hard sometimes to not fault ourselves... we all have faced and dealt with people who give their advice... tell us to just be happy etc etc... and it can have that knock on effect of making us wonder if we choose to be this way.
I have been diagnosed with depression for a long time... and even now, I just wish I would 'snap out of it'.
That's not likely to be that easy, but I'm hoping that one day after therepy and meds have done their work, I'll wake up and it'll be done.
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK