I am sorry you are going through this atm. Sounds very frustrating and out of control atm. Stopping the drinking and drugs will have an affect on your emotions and probably make things worse to start with (not that that is a reason to take them again lol) Drugs and BPD can go hand in hand, just be careful as so can psychosis and BPD and cannabis can trigger this - everything in moderation I say.

Have you tried looking at some kind of meditation techniques for relaxation and maybe some aggressive exercise for the anger? Kick boxing is good When I struggle with my thoughts at bed time, I lay and count all the bones in my body, lighting up each one in my head. I find it can help me.

I recognise the 'I hate you' followed by being clingy and not leaving thing. It is hard to deal with as sometimes I freak out because they drive me mad and then the next minute I freak because I think they don't love me. It is hard, but if things are not alright between you, this will only make you feel worse=(

***** the dishes - who cares! Put them into soak and forget them for now.

We are all here if you want to keep ranting xxxx