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pegasus · 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JeffPowers

Hi Pegasus,

In brief, I was with a therapist for over seven years, and about five years ago I realized I was in love with her. Two months ago she terminated therapy, saying she could not help me any more, because I was stuck in my love for, and could not get beyond that. She gave me notice about four months ahead of time.

I am in such pain knowing she will never be a part of my life. I want to have a friendship with her, which she refuses, and have been told by a number of people that any post-therapy relationship with her would be a disaster. My question is this: Why do people assume our friendship would be a disaster? What do they seem to know that I don't? Knowing why could help me get past this awful pain.

Thank you.

Jeff

Hello Jeff,

So, 5 years ago you fell inlove with T and you shared that with T but she has only recently terminated stating that she can no longer help you. Sorry to say this Jeff but that is totally unfair on you, that she waited 5 years to do that. The bond between T and client needs to be very special, a good attachment but with boundaries also. The point of therapy to me is to gain your own internal therapist, that couldn't have happened in the right way for you.

On to your question about friendship. For 7 years you have worked together, in the last 5 years there has been a massive imbalance which she really was duty bound to correct but she didn't.

People can have friendships with a therapist here in the UK but they have to wait 2 years due to ethics (if it is a psychologist, the rules may be different for counselors) after therapy has finished. I think your T has realised the massive mistake she has made in prolonging the power imbalance for a further 5 years and therefore friendship is out of the question.

Jeff, you know the saying, 'love is blind' you can't see that power-imbalance (and how a friendship would not work) right now because you are still grieving.

So, some damage has been done, grief is hard, please seek therapy with a male therapist to work through this properly. Hugs to you.