About a year ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. I blamed it on myself, saying that I just wasn't ready for a relationship, that I was struggling too much with mental illness, and that I was too sensitive. However, since hindsight is 20/20, I've started to realize that it wasn't really all my fault and I'm beginning to suspect emotional abuse. I have very clear memories of the things said and done to me in this relationship, including:

-Telling me I am a coward
-Telling me I am a terrible friend
-Telling me that all my friends hate me
-Telling me that "even ugly girls can be attractive when they have good fashion"
-Calling me fat
-Telling me that I am a disappointment
-Saying "I don't know why you try"
-Guilting me into physical contact (kissing, etc)

I can still hear his voice in my mind saying these things. There are days when I don't want to eat or feel guilty for eating too much, I alienated myself from all my friends believing that they hated me, and I had and still have a lot of upsetting thoughts about not being worthy of life anymore. I feel like this was abuse, but I don't really know what qualifies as abuse. Regardless, what are some next steps to take towards getting better? There is a lovely girl in the picture now, but I am so paranoid and depressed that I don't think it could ever work out.