Hello Peg,
Thank you for your response.
It seems to me that the imbalance between therapist and client is always there, love or no love.
I have been seeing a "new" therapist for about six weeks, a man in his 60s. He suggests that she didn't end therapy with me years ago because she was hoping to help me realize the source of my obsessive attraction to her, and move me beyond it. But she was so closed-off about her motives/agenda, that I often imagined she was intentionally manipulating me. My sessions were often regarding my concerns about her thoughts, why she said things that she said, does she like me, is she sick of me, can we be friends after therapy terminates, etc. etc. I focused my attention on my relationship with her, rather than my relationship with my actual family and friends. She pointed this out very often, and told me that what I am doing is not having therapy, but trying to have her as my friend, which she insisted many times is not what she is.
I think she did the best she could (she’s an intern at a clinic), but I found it confounding and painful. Now I am in worse shape than I was when I first began therapy. I feel that “if only” she would agree to being my friend, my life would be so much happier and productive.
Thanks for your insights.
Jeff
Quote:
Originally Posted by pegasus
Hello Jeff,
So, 5 years ago you fell inlove with T and you shared that with T but she has only recently terminated stating that she can no longer help you. Sorry to say this Jeff but that is totally unfair on you, that she waited 5 years to do that. The bond between T and client needs to be very special, a good attachment but with boundaries also. The point of therapy to me is to gain your own internal therapist, that couldn't have happened in the right way for you.
On to your question about friendship. For 7 years you have worked together, in the last 5 years there has been a massive imbalance which she really was duty bound to correct but she didn't.
People can have friendships with a therapist here in the UK but they have to wait 2 years due to ethics (if it is a psychologist, the rules may be different for counselors) after therapy has finished. I think your T has realised the massive mistake she has made in prolonging the power imbalance for a further 5 years and therefore friendship is out of the question.
Jeff, you know the saying, 'love is blind' you can't see that power-imbalance (and how a friendship would not work) right now because you are still grieving.
So, some damage has been done, grief is hard, please seek therapy with a male therapist to work through this properly. Hugs to you.  |